Maces?
You are Sir Whoopass, a valiant knight with a heart of gold!
…and also the accidental architect of absolute anarchy and chaos in a once-perfect world. What about Swords? Magical Wands imbued with the power of a slight pandemic cough?.
(At this point we probably should tell you about the purchasable weapons at The Blackschmidt, freshly brewed Cattucino, secret Wheels of Cheese, relentless IRS agents and all the side quests.
This is not one of them.